Blessed By A Ghost

PAST, future, COLLISION

2011-11-06T11:47:00.000-08:00

There's no excuse for the things i've done, no excuse for the way things have been....

I will not apologize... I can not remove the past...
so do not hold it above me...
We have been healed through christ's blood..
when will you see that?
when will it appear to you that things are different?
a new light is shown and the rocks have turned?

I am attempting a new man
I am attempting a new creation
so let me
let me create
and let me figure out this new me
breaking from the shell of the old me

when we met I was but a lost soul, a troubled man who had no land
you found me as i was broken and didn't understand who i was anymore.
now that i'm trying to see life in a new light let me not be blinded by my old sight.

Assert Change

2010-09-14T12:17:00.000-07:00

So, I believe a venting session is logically sound every so often. This is one of those moments:

The other day I was at Barnes&Noble I decided to browse the Teen section, you know the display of what teens should read and look to for inspiration. I was utterly Shocked at what I saw. Ware wolfs, Vampires, The Paranormal, Books with titles such as The Necromancer, Sirens, When You Read This I'll Be Dead, Party...

Now stepping back from this rant I realize what a hypocritical statement I'm making and this may be seen as overreacting. Especially due to the fact that most of these things listed were of great interest when I was in high-school. But looking at it now I begin to think where's the hope?

With stories prescribing Lust, Idolatry, Suicide, Witchcraft, etc...

Now, know this: I can't STAND when I hear preachers and religious folk bad mouthing these things they have no knowledge of it...

I may truly be over-exagerating but really there's a line to be drawn at some point... These things really are attractive especially when some are written By geeks and For geeks (sounds like a great sales pitch), nerds, outcasts as a medium for escape into a new world. A world partially prettier and more exciting than the boring everyday day to day life. whether or not their home life is that of plain, boring, dole, scary. These are things I don't know and can't just assume. But I do know that constantly escaping into these worlds for the few teens that actually read is not something to be entertained in a consistent manner.

And when these are the only options that are placed in front of them we wonder and panic that teen suicide rate has increased, teens are having babies at age 14, Riddle me that?
It really is easy to blame media vs parents BUT i've met some teens that have great home lives and are incredibly depressed. I was One.
I wasn't depressed per-say but these things interested me like crazy and i had a more than excellent home life. But seeing these characters become incredibly successful and happy by deceiving others and by overcoming enemies made me stoked I didn't care if I had a great family...I did but I didn't show it. I wanted what these fictional characters had and could offer. An Unstoppable Force. Little did I realize I can have that force through Christ. A CRAZY ridiculous force that's virtually unstoppable. I had an agape love waiting for me. How Incredible is that?

Agape: The Greek word agape is often translated "love" in the New Testament. How is "agape love" different from other types of love? The essence of agape love is self-sacrifice. Unlike our English word “love,” agape is not used in the Bible to refer to romantic or sexual love. Nor does it refer to close friendship or brotherly love, for which the Greek word philia is used. Nor does agape mean charity, a term which the King James translators carried over from the Latin. Agape love is unique and is distinguished by its nature and character.

Now, I bring the Agape definition i because think about it if these teens hear and feel this type of love what's going to be the effect? Increased depression and constant searching for a new escape? OR are they going to be ever-changed and actually have the desire to 'go on'.
I don't think I'd be as upset if I saw some sort of hope placed in these teens grasps. It's very hard to generalize 'teens' BUT so many fit into these categories now regardless of their 'scene'. They will still have the same thoughts, same worries, same fears, same wonders. But the fact that so many are resulting to suicide is enough to wonder and dig into why this may be.

I will keep going but at this point you can stop reading and just reflect.

I actually did pick up several of these books and read to get an idea/grasp of what the message was saying. and like I said before many of these things did and still do interest me. But I just wonder when engulfing yourself into nothing but these topics and having no knowledge of reality or what happiness could be. Where will that really lead them? What are they going to think? Reading really does change ones perspective on things no matter what style of writing it is. The human mind is going to grab the things suggested and try to figure out what the truth behind it is. Example: look at the hundreds of thousands of Self-help and Self-improvement books there are. Don't get me wrong i'm not saying anything is wrong with these at all. They're GREAT and I encourage to read them if they'll work for you. But when you read them think about how often you're reading and thinking 'okay, now this will work for my life' or 'wow that's totally me' and you begin to relate to the information, the characters, etc... Books are designed to make you think and grab ahold of this journey the writer wants to take you on. Intense isn't it? possibly general knowledge... But I'm just trying to point out a teens mind absorbs a ridiculous amount and while they're trying to 'figure themselves out' or 'figure their path' is this the right thing to be putting out there for them to read?

Something that hit me like a bus

2010-09-08T20:30:00.000-07:00

Cut to the chase, here's some words:
Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.
Proverbs 16:18 (Read all of Proverbs 16)

LEV 26:19 I will break down your stubborn pride and make the sky above you
like iron and the ground beneath you like bronze.

DEU 8:14 then your heart will become proud and you will forget the LORD your
God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery.

1KI 20:11 The king of Israel answered, "Tell him: 'One who puts on his
armor should not boast like one who takes it off.'"

It's something i've struggled with in the past and it's something I need to come to terms with.
These passages of pride... Oh, man pride has to be ONE of the toughest things we are exposed to. Since I can remember i've looked and was seeking for something to take pride in. Something that I could do better than someone else. It sounds ridiculous but I was in such an insecure path and in such I felt anger that people had something that I didn't. How incredibly selfish of me to do but it came so easy. Thus, separating me from my biggest desire To seek and discover the real identity of Christ. These selfish desires create a separation, a wall, a barrier if you will between one and a goal. Therefore nearly no growth can be developed through this separation.

Pressing into the issue even deeper I realized I built false identities and false characteristics per person I found. When I found a new person I began to become something they would be drawn to. I wanted this sense of accomplishment and pride that no-one else could change or top. This wasn't a 100% of the time feeling or aspiration. It was more of a shift at moments, a shift in behaviors and eventually coming back every so often. It sounds like I was faking it but it wasn't like that. I really took any opportunity I could to 'one up' someone else. The things I KNEW I was successful at and extremely valuable for I was so consumed in my mind to create this unstoppable being.
This unstoppable being eventually had an end. Realizing where I was at and I was stuck going NOWHERE the whole time. It was a desire to accomplish yet nothing was accomplished. Nothing was ever good enough and I had to find something better bigger and more intense. This is not the way HE created us to be. He DESIRES and LONGS for us to just toss our lives down to his feet. We are NOT in control of our lives.
An Unhappy Christian is the one who will not obey and will not submit himself.

2Cor 5:17(message)"Now we look inside, and what we see is that anyone united with the Messiah gets a fresh start, is created new. The old life is gone; a new life burgeons! Look at it! All this comes from the God who settled the relationship between us and him, and then called us to settle our relationships with each other."
WE ARE NOT OUR OWN; WE ARE A NEW CREATION, A NEW LIFE
and when we can realize this it is going to create the VICTORY and PEACE within ourselves which is needed.

Have you held pride onto anything? Have you ever been in a position where something binds you up from living out your faith?

2010-09-04T14:15:00.000-07:00

Being devoted:
-Very loving or loyal
-Given over to the display, study.

ALL creation groans with anticipation to be liberated and to find it's destiny. To find it's final purpose and meaning.

We all look for it but without that devotion. Literally that daily devotion of giving ones-self over to something unknown.
Without selflessness and reaching out for the things we will never know an outcome to, we will not find victory or meaning.

" where I run for dear life,
hiding behind the boulders,
safe in the granite hideout;
My mountaintop refuge,
he saves me from ruthless men. " 2Sam 22:3
We can literally run and hide but when we are out in the open and nothing is holding us back. Nothing is sitting over us poaching in judgement we will seek for that refuge.

TAKE REFUGE. Grab ahold of that perspective of needing. Once you begin to obtain that vision and the idea of having something more powerful than you and something in control.
You will begin to see the world differently, people differently.

Paul says "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms"

This struggle is something that holds us back. It literally is a "Spiritual battle" something fighting against the clarity of that vision.

We must be DEVOTED. Devoted to finding ,seeking, growing, and expressing our faith.

What is it that holds YOU back? What is it that keeps you from running full speed for your faith daily?

HeavyHearted

2009-10-20T23:50:00.000-07:00

It's been a need for an update: So quickly I will hammer on this keyboard what is being meditated upon.

It's time for renewal. I've heard the call and said the words but there's a lack of action. This is becoming a mending process.

planning: there's many ideas, thoughts, visions that have been placed upon my mind/life. Whether or not it's time to share is not clear so I will say this.
There's a new movement developing within this city that is insane and probably too big to handle or understand at this point. However, the purpose and outcome will be fruitfull.
The writings will start again for I have received confirmation that messages need to be told from me. Things that the Lord has been speaking to me to get done but out of hesitation, fear, and worry I have sat back and let them sit there.

My soul purpose for writing this message has just slipped my mind as it's now 2 am and i'm exhausted. But I will plan to write and record messages on here.
Those 1 or 2 people that actually follow this may be able to hear.

I will say I have reached a new cycle and began a new maze. I've been so nervous to share and so quiet and reluctant to be happy that i've forgotten my purpose. The night has had amazing flaws and things I did not want to hear but realizing they're things I needed to hear is what is more important.

Temples & Future + Bcoop

2009-06-23T06:02:00.000-07:00

Next Week 9: Stewardship from Fuse* Student Ministry on Vimeo.

Man.. heavy,simple, crazy... It's the words and the suggestions i've heard many times but is hitting me right now. What you do day to day will build what you will do the next week and from that week will build what your month will become, what the year has become is what your future entails.

I began to think about this idea alot when he mentions the ministry. I really want the ladies and gentleman at KYC to hear this and understand that what they're doing and planting in their lives as well as the ministry is how the ministries future will turn out. To become not only leaders and extraordinary but build this foundation that will not fall. This is something we can't take lightly and it's not just with KYC. Like I said however we begin building our foundation will become the future. That's pretty simple and childlike knowledge.
I'm a firm believer in everything happens for a reason;BUT, what if we realized we can control what the reason is for what happened.
I may be repeating but it's a very important lesson that I need to start living out instead of just understanding.

With this being said and understood we need to be listening to the spiritual voice that sets the ideas inside of us. It may be hard to differentiate what's the right and wrong voice but, how about comparing what could be right and what could be wrong. and take charge of your life. Why just let things happen when we can create what happens? *Not saying do whatever the heck we want and whatever feels good* But, I am suggesting if we listen to the positive and live that out and build our foundations it will stand still even if we fall.

Fallacy Wears Thin

2009-02-25T07:55:00.000-08:00

So after consideration I realized I need to watch the film Milk. I was bashing it quite a bit without knowing anything about it. From opening to ending I was shocked, stunned, kind of sick and disgusted at times, and sometimes sad. This was a very eye opening and compelling movie to say the least. Very good information that I've never considered looking into because of the ignorant American mind-set about the subject.
I honestly was never told about how persecuted these people were because of only their sexual orientation. Now, on the other hand of that I think the homosexual community didn't HAVE to be as outspoken and wild as they were. I believe that's probably half the reason their culture was so tarnished.
The toughest thing for me to watch (other than the obvious) is the church images. The constant nay sayings from the churches claiming "God's Will". NO NO NO!!! Once again the religious fools have to create a hatred for the church. I honestly by no means support the lifestyle. But only support the people. I've met some really amazing people from the gay and lesbian community that I have no problem still acknowledging them as a Human. The way these police and the city people treated these people is disgusting. Randomly beating them down with clubs and arresting for the smallest of a crime but in reality only for their sexual preference.
They went through alot... Not as much as the african american community by all means but however it was made to look that way almost. That they had no right what so ever to be living there, teaching there, etc... all because they were Gay?? That's not right. Ignorance of the Christian America was really sad to see.

I could care less like I previously said; about someones choice. I've been reading many articles and statements of Christian men who used to be homosexuals and one man definably stood out. He said "the hardest thing about being an openly gay in the Christian community was that he wasn't acknowledged." That must've hurt so bad. I can't imagine putting myself through that kind of pain. But he said, "In the end after getting saved he wasn't there for the experience, he didn't search for change, instead he was there to find Christ and that's what matters. You can't change a person but give them the opportunity to change is all we can do."
AWESOME, we can say "Love your neighbor" "do unto others as you would yourself". Yet, many decide to draw a line where a specific person doesn't fit in that category. Therefore they won't show them love and show appreciation for them.
A Man is but Man nothing more, nothing less. We should all do our best to make sure everyone can feel our love is genuine whether we like to or not, whether we approve of them or not. Love your enemy and stand strong. Break down the religious wall that's set before us and show all the purpose.

Commute

2009-02-15T04:08:00.000-08:00

To begin; it started with a conversation. We began discussing about the culture and youth. The positives and negatives. One thing I heard that struck me as something that goes more into depth is communication. We have developed the most technologically advanced society as well as most networked society. Through the dozens of websites used to network people to people across the globe many people can take advantage of this through several different ways. Using these networking tools to just reach people and further understanding of other cultures or to go as far as stepping your foot in the door of your next job opportunity. Somewhere in this convo. I realized there's way more to this than what meets the eye.
Take a look at the statistics for how many people and how much time is spent on these sites a day.
The average teen spends 27-31 hours surfing the web. the majority of time being spent on these sites.
Now from a religious perspective: The whole goal is to reach as many people as possible right? Teach and show as many people the works of their God as possible.
Realize this, there's been handfuls of cases we've heard about and seen of hazing and discriminatory acts on these social networking sites. Why have we not realized that as a Christian we should change those stats.
Networking is a major part of reaching people. Those of us that can't 'Go to all the lands and speak of His Love'. How about spending no cash and teaching people across the lands as well as those nearby.

As for teenagers I've realized that the times where people have felt completely betrayed by another or knows their enemies stays as far away as possible. Now, I always tried to break that boundary and get inside the "enemies" head. The funny thing is, that enemy that's supposed to hate your guts. Is a genuine hurting human being and will actually have a conversation with you when they don't feel threatened. Ya' see, in person they're being watched and feel like they have to make a point to show they dislike someone others do. But, by continually trying to show genuine love, care, and concern for the person. Their true being will show. It may however not in public but either way, you're going to make a connection.
I may have lost some to this extensive description. So here's the point:

Use these sites to advantage, reach out to those you don't get a chance to or normally won't speak to in person. There's a good chance they'll respond or understand your care for them as a human. Reason you know, 1. you can see if they've read. 2.There's very small chance they won't check these pages.
BOMBARD EVERYONE WITH LOVE.

CURRENTLY LISTENING:

CROC

2009-01-20T09:31:00.000-08:00

Why is it all about bringing the world together, bringing people together, setting aside differences. UNITING, Becoming one.... Interesting.. This all sounds so good, sounds a tad too good to be true doesn't it... ONE WORLD. It's the end
The freaking END and noone can see it. I ran into countless people at work last night discussing it. 3 people who weren't even Christians mentioned. This is the end and that it's even been written in "the book". How odd that so many people are understanding that it's truly here. Then again people have been saying it for years and jumping to conclusions... But when in the past has sooo many people come into agreement about the same things. So many others eyes have started to see what I've been seeing this whole time.
righteousness, new beginning, white will do what is right??? CROC
there's so much more I have to say.
edit later

We've gotta be ok even when we can't be Ok

2009-01-09T21:03:00.000-08:00

So the last few weeks have taken a big impact on me. The realization that I am practically standing in an open field watching everything I want float away like the dandelions drifting on. As if my flower is falling apart; I realize, however, nothing will put those pieces back together the same way. Nothing will fit back into how I want it. We have all heard "there's a plan"; some sort of plan for our lives. Each and every person has a mapped out life... So no matter what you want nothings going to go YOUR way.

What kind of crap is that? If we have desires but can't fulfill them why do we have desires?

Things grow as seasons change. This means us as well. Our desires changes as well. Each desire is increased with what we surround our lives with. What we let consume us is the outcome of our path, our thoughts, our desires. If we are constantly filling ourselves with a bunch of junk we're only going to end up walking in circles looking for a path. I'm not going to say that EVERYONE is following what the media is sharing or what others are doing. But most are obviously following something. Whether it be the main stream media or underground anti-media. Someone is telling you what to feel and what to think. With that being said not only is there plans for our lives, plans for our money,etc... But Realize this: There's plots against your lives. To find our weakness. To drive us into destruction. Now this may sound like "conspiracy theory", and it may be to most.

However, I've found myself down the path's quite a few times. I have dug myself to points where it's almost unbearable to return. Granted we all go through phases but, It's more than phases. It's a force that isn't so great to feel. It's a force that makes one feel like they are nothing, makes one feel worthless, pushing and pushing until there's no return.
It's almost like once we're so far away we turn around and think "how on earth can I be accepted as that again"; so in return we continue on and quit taking steps back.

I could simply put it "It's time to start thinking for ourselves".
But, that's been said and done repeatedly.

We need to do the following: Examine what's breaking us, Examine what's making us turn, Examine what leads to thoughts that will lead astray. Not just thinking this time but DOING. I'm done seeing myself and others pitter patter around the suggestion box constantly dropping in how to change a life if we can't change our own.
- Pro 19:27 Stop listening to instruction, my son, and you will stray from the words of knowledge. -

Gaining knowledge is one thing. But, putting knowledge into actions and organizing our lives is a completely new step. I was listening to another speaker and his words came into effect as I listened to a man named Joshua speak.
There's a new fast i'm going to take upon myself. In order to get past the mindset of failure, depression, despair , etc... my list of negativity can go on & on. But it's today that it ENDS.
Getting away from others, Getting away from the books and visions that create all those negative things. And regenerating myself.
staying away from technology is quite a tough thing to do in this day and age. Especially for my life. I depend on my computer always being here and being able to turn on and function.
Now it's time that I put it to sleep and turn myself on so I can function in a new name, in a new world, in a new word.

I've been discussing a lot lately with various people about how deep we are into 'end times' and many are actually realizing it. Our government is ridiculously corrupt and now bringing us into further destruction within the new years. However, that's a new topic.
This talk has made me realize even more I'm not one bit prepared. My life has been preparation for future, Things that I can look forward to. No preparation for what is now, no thoughts ever to what is now. I've lived my life for the future and living in the future that I've taken not one blink to what is NOW. My mind is constantly 10steps ahead of what I'm actually doing. I need to rid myself of that and prepare for the 10steps as well as thinking about them.

Lots of new listenings

Currently Listening:
As Cities Burn
Leeland
TheCure-Japanese Whispers
Daft Punk-Discovery

Current Viewing:
5cmPerSecond

Focal Point Spiritual Power

2008-12-19T20:18:00.000-08:00

*edit*the end of the words were cut off so it looks funny oops*edit*

I did speak fairly fast so here’s some things I was trying to get across..

Isa 45:22 "Turn to me and be saved, all you ends of the earth; for I am God, and there is no other.”
-no matter where we are if we turn to God for everything we shall be saved.

These next verses just say so much.
1Cr 2:2 For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified.
1Cr 2:3 I came to you in weakness and fear, and with much trembling.
1Cr 2:4 My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power,
1Cr 2:5 so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power.
-We shall only preach the life of Jesus and why he was crucified; For the purpose of questioning this life. He and Only HE can rescue. We shall not force any idea onto someone. As it says in Romans 14:11 'Every knee will bow before me; every tongue will confess to God.' There’s no way to force his power because every person will realize who God is and those who do not commit will regret.

It was hard to understand because I stutter a little bit. But it mentions how the church is being criticized and I agree because it still is. Based on the fact that many churches still rely on the religious law for the redemption instead of relying on the Cross for Redemption.

The most disgusting thing is I see those types year after year. Throughout the news and even when I am at cornerstone. The protesters just get worse and worse. More religious, and more religious. It’s ridiculous and scary to think those types of people have no idea what kind of life they’re actually living.

Anyway, I know it’s a message preached over and over but I love the way Oswald put it and just came out to say it.

MERRY CHRISTMAS
*remember reason for the season ;) *

ToWhomITmayConcern

2008-11-16T20:26:00.000-08:00

motions

2008-11-14T20:14:00.000-08:00

Let us not be going through motions. being clones of another that we've seen. So many of us out there are just portraying exactly what we've seen. From the way we talk, the way we sing, the way we walk, even the way some "worship" is just exactly like someone they've seen.
We're supposed to be AUTHENTIC people... So break down those ridiculous habits and forms and realize your true identity. I'm not saying everyone's a follower but in a way I am. Argue all you want but someones done "that" before you... whatever the "that" may be it's been done.
Become authentic. stop your impressing nature. cause in all honesty no one cares. and no one cares about your self-righteous B/S... Be freaking real man.

and of course my posts won't be what they are without videos: and I can't decide on one so here

(God, please have MERCY on me!)

-So close to your heart LORD, Here I am God, Draw me into you!!-
:edit:
I really just want to sit down with someone right now.... I want someone to be here... Loneliness freaking sucks
I may have a spirit here but it's not enough
this isn't fair!