There's no excuse for the things i've done, no excuse for the way things have been....
I will not apologize... I can not remove the past...
so do not hold it above me...
We have been healed through christ's blood..
when will you see that?
when will it appear to you that things are different?
a new light is shown and the rocks have turned?
I am attempting a new man
I am attempting a new creation
so let me
let me create
and let me figure out this new me
breaking from the shell of the old me
when we met I was but a lost soul, a troubled man who had no land
you found me as i was broken and didn't understand who i was anymore.
now that i'm trying to see life in a new light let me not be blinded by my old sight.
20111106
20100914
Assert Change
So, I believe a venting session is logically sound every so often. This is one of those moments:
The other day I was at Barnes&Noble I decided to browse the Teen section, you know the display of what teens should read and look to for inspiration. I was utterly Shocked at what I saw. Ware wolfs, Vampires, The Paranormal, Books with titles such as The Necromancer, Sirens, When You Read This I'll Be Dead, Party...
Now stepping back from this rant I realize what a hypocritical statement I'm making and this may be seen as overreacting. Especially due to the fact that most of these things listed were of great interest when I was in high-school. But looking at it now I begin to think where's the hope?
With stories prescribing Lust, Idolatry, Suicide, Witchcraft, etc...
Now, know this: I can't STAND when I hear preachers and religious folk bad mouthing these things they have no knowledge of it...
I may truly be over-exagerating but really there's a line to be drawn at some point... These things really are attractive especially when some are written By geeks and For geeks (sounds like a great sales pitch), nerds, outcasts as a medium for escape into a new world. A world partially prettier and more exciting than the boring everyday day to day life. whether or not their home life is that of plain, boring, dole, scary. These are things I don't know and can't just assume. But I do know that constantly escaping into these worlds for the few teens that actually read is not something to be entertained in a consistent manner.
And when these are the only options that are placed in front of them we wonder and panic that teen suicide rate has increased, teens are having babies at age 14, Riddle me that?
It really is easy to blame media vs parents BUT i've met some teens that have great home lives and are incredibly depressed. I was One.
I wasn't depressed per-say but these things interested me like crazy and i had a more than excellent home life. But seeing these characters become incredibly successful and happy by deceiving others and by overcoming enemies made me stoked I didn't care if I had a great family...I did but I didn't show it. I wanted what these fictional characters had and could offer. An Unstoppable Force. Little did I realize I can have that force through Christ. A CRAZY ridiculous force that's virtually unstoppable. I had an agape love waiting for me. How Incredible is that?
Agape: The Greek word agape is often translated "love" in the New Testament. How is "agape love" different from other types of love? The essence of agape love is self-sacrifice. Unlike our English word “love,” agape is not used in the Bible to refer to romantic or sexual love. Nor does it refer to close friendship or brotherly love, for which the Greek word philia is used. Nor does agape mean charity, a term which the King James translators carried over from the Latin. Agape love is unique and is distinguished by its nature and character.
Now, I bring the Agape definition i because think about it if these teens hear and feel this type of love what's going to be the effect? Increased depression and constant searching for a new escape? OR are they going to be ever-changed and actually have the desire to 'go on'.
I don't think I'd be as upset if I saw some sort of hope placed in these teens grasps. It's very hard to generalize 'teens' BUT so many fit into these categories now regardless of their 'scene'. They will still have the same thoughts, same worries, same fears, same wonders. But the fact that so many are resulting to suicide is enough to wonder and dig into why this may be.
I will keep going but at this point you can stop reading and just reflect.
I actually did pick up several of these books and read to get an idea/grasp of what the message was saying. and like I said before many of these things did and still do interest me. But I just wonder when engulfing yourself into nothing but these topics and having no knowledge of reality or what happiness could be. Where will that really lead them? What are they going to think? Reading really does change ones perspective on things no matter what style of writing it is. The human mind is going to grab the things suggested and try to figure out what the truth behind it is. Example: look at the hundreds of thousands of Self-help and Self-improvement books there are. Don't get me wrong i'm not saying anything is wrong with these at all. They're GREAT and I encourage to read them if they'll work for you. But when you read them think about how often you're reading and thinking 'okay, now this will work for my life' or 'wow that's totally me' and you begin to relate to the information, the characters, etc... Books are designed to make you think and grab ahold of this journey the writer wants to take you on. Intense isn't it? possibly general knowledge... But I'm just trying to point out a teens mind absorbs a ridiculous amount and while they're trying to 'figure themselves out' or 'figure their path' is this the right thing to be putting out there for them to read?
The other day I was at Barnes&Noble I decided to browse the Teen section, you know the display of what teens should read and look to for inspiration. I was utterly Shocked at what I saw. Ware wolfs, Vampires, The Paranormal, Books with titles such as The Necromancer, Sirens, When You Read This I'll Be Dead, Party...
With stories prescribing Lust, Idolatry, Suicide, Witchcraft, etc...
I may truly be over-exagerating but really there's a line to be drawn at some point... These things really are attractive especially when some are written By geeks and For geeks (sounds like a great sales pitch), nerds, outcasts as a medium for escape into a new world. A world partially prettier and more exciting than the boring everyday day to day life. whether or not their home life is that of plain, boring, dole, scary. These are things I don't know and can't just assume. But I do know that constantly escaping into these worlds for the few teens that actually read is not something to be entertained in a consistent manner.
And when these are the only options that are placed in front of them we wonder and panic that teen suicide rate has increased, teens are having babies at age 14, Riddle me that?
It really is easy to blame media vs parents BUT i've met some teens that have great home lives and are incredibly depressed. I was One.
I wasn't depressed per-say but these things interested me like crazy and i had a more than excellent home life. But seeing these characters become incredibly successful and happy by deceiving others and by overcoming enemies made me stoked I didn't care if I had a great family...I did but I didn't show it. I wanted what these fictional characters had and could offer. An Unstoppable Force. Little did I realize I can have that force through Christ. A CRAZY ridiculous force that's virtually unstoppable. I had an agape love waiting for me. How Incredible is that?
Agape: The Greek word agape is often translated "love" in the New Testament. How is "agape love" different from other types of love? The essence of agape love is self-sacrifice. Unlike our English word “love,” agape is not used in the Bible to refer to romantic or sexual love. Nor does it refer to close friendship or brotherly love, for which the Greek word philia is used. Nor does agape mean charity, a term which the King James translators carried over from the Latin. Agape love is unique and is distinguished by its nature and character.
Now, I bring the Agape definition i because think about it if these teens hear and feel this type of love what's going to be the effect? Increased depression and constant searching for a new escape? OR are they going to be ever-changed and actually have the desire to 'go on'.
I don't think I'd be as upset if I saw some sort of hope placed in these teens grasps. It's very hard to generalize 'teens' BUT so many fit into these categories now regardless of their 'scene'. They will still have the same thoughts, same worries, same fears, same wonders. But the fact that so many are resulting to suicide is enough to wonder and dig into why this may be.
I will keep going but at this point you can stop reading and just reflect.
I actually did pick up several of these books and read to get an idea/grasp of what the message was saying. and like I said before many of these things did and still do interest me. But I just wonder when engulfing yourself into nothing but these topics and having no knowledge of reality or what happiness could be. Where will that really lead them? What are they going to think? Reading really does change ones perspective on things no matter what style of writing it is. The human mind is going to grab the things suggested and try to figure out what the truth behind it is. Example: look at the hundreds of thousands of Self-help and Self-improvement books there are. Don't get me wrong i'm not saying anything is wrong with these at all. They're GREAT and I encourage to read them if they'll work for you. But when you read them think about how often you're reading and thinking 'okay, now this will work for my life' or 'wow that's totally me' and you begin to relate to the information, the characters, etc... Books are designed to make you think and grab ahold of this journey the writer wants to take you on. Intense isn't it? possibly general knowledge... But I'm just trying to point out a teens mind absorbs a ridiculous amount and while they're trying to 'figure themselves out' or 'figure their path' is this the right thing to be putting out there for them to read?
20100908
Something that hit me like a bus
Cut to the chase, here's some words:
Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.
Proverbs 16:18 (Read all of Proverbs 16)
LEV 26:19 I will break down your stubborn pride and make the sky above you
like iron and the ground beneath you like bronze.
DEU 8:14 then your heart will become proud and you will forget the LORD your
God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery.
1KI 20:11 The king of Israel answered, "Tell him: 'One who puts on his
armor should not boast like one who takes it off.'"
It's something i've struggled with in the past and it's something I need to come to terms with.
These passages of pride... Oh, man pride has to be ONE of the toughest things we are exposed to. Since I can remember i've looked and was seeking for something to take pride in. Something that I could do better than someone else. It sounds ridiculous but I was in such an insecure path and in such I felt anger that people had something that I didn't. How incredibly selfish of me to do but it came so easy. Thus, separating me from my biggest desire To seek and discover the real identity of Christ. These selfish desires create a separation, a wall, a barrier if you will between one and a goal. Therefore nearly no growth can be developed through this separation.
Pressing into the issue even deeper I realized I built false identities and false characteristics per person I found. When I found a new person I began to become something they would be drawn to. I wanted this sense of accomplishment and pride that no-one else could change or top. This wasn't a 100% of the time feeling or aspiration. It was more of a shift at moments, a shift in behaviors and eventually coming back every so often. It sounds like I was faking it but it wasn't like that. I really took any opportunity I could to 'one up' someone else. The things I KNEW I was successful at and extremely valuable for I was so consumed in my mind to create this unstoppable being.
This unstoppable being eventually had an end. Realizing where I was at and I was stuck going NOWHERE the whole time. It was a desire to accomplish yet nothing was accomplished. Nothing was ever good enough and I had to find something better bigger and more intense. This is not the way HE created us to be. He DESIRES and LONGS for us to just toss our lives down to his feet. We are NOT in control of our lives.
An Unhappy Christian is the one who will not obey and will not submit himself.
2Cor 5:17(message)"Now we look inside, and what we see is that anyone united with the Messiah gets a fresh start, is created new. The old life is gone; a new life burgeons! Look at it! All this comes from the God who settled the relationship between us and him, and then called us to settle our relationships with each other."
WE ARE NOT OUR OWN; WE ARE A NEW CREATION, A NEW LIFE
and when we can realize this it is going to create the VICTORY and PEACE within ourselves which is needed.
Have you held pride onto anything? Have you ever been in a position where something binds you up from living out your faith?
Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.
Proverbs 16:18 (Read all of Proverbs 16)
LEV 26:19 I will break down your stubborn pride and make the sky above you
like iron and the ground beneath you like bronze.
DEU 8:14 then your heart will become proud and you will forget the LORD your
God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery.
1KI 20:11 The king of Israel answered, "Tell him: 'One who puts on his
armor should not boast like one who takes it off.'"
It's something i've struggled with in the past and it's something I need to come to terms with.
These passages of pride... Oh, man pride has to be ONE of the toughest things we are exposed to. Since I can remember i've looked and was seeking for something to take pride in. Something that I could do better than someone else. It sounds ridiculous but I was in such an insecure path and in such I felt anger that people had something that I didn't. How incredibly selfish of me to do but it came so easy. Thus, separating me from my biggest desire To seek and discover the real identity of Christ. These selfish desires create a separation, a wall, a barrier if you will between one and a goal. Therefore nearly no growth can be developed through this separation.
Pressing into the issue even deeper I realized I built false identities and false characteristics per person I found. When I found a new person I began to become something they would be drawn to. I wanted this sense of accomplishment and pride that no-one else could change or top. This wasn't a 100% of the time feeling or aspiration. It was more of a shift at moments, a shift in behaviors and eventually coming back every so often. It sounds like I was faking it but it wasn't like that. I really took any opportunity I could to 'one up' someone else. The things I KNEW I was successful at and extremely valuable for I was so consumed in my mind to create this unstoppable being.
This unstoppable being eventually had an end. Realizing where I was at and I was stuck going NOWHERE the whole time. It was a desire to accomplish yet nothing was accomplished. Nothing was ever good enough and I had to find something better bigger and more intense. This is not the way HE created us to be. He DESIRES and LONGS for us to just toss our lives down to his feet. We are NOT in control of our lives.
An Unhappy Christian is the one who will not obey and will not submit himself.
2Cor 5:17(message)"Now we look inside, and what we see is that anyone united with the Messiah gets a fresh start, is created new. The old life is gone; a new life burgeons! Look at it! All this comes from the God who settled the relationship between us and him, and then called us to settle our relationships with each other."
WE ARE NOT OUR OWN; WE ARE A NEW CREATION, A NEW LIFE
and when we can realize this it is going to create the VICTORY and PEACE within ourselves which is needed.
20100904
Being devoted:
-Very loving or loyal
-Given over to the display, study.
ALL creation groans with anticipation to be liberated and to find it's destiny. To find it's final purpose and meaning.
We all look for it but without that devotion. Literally that daily devotion of giving ones-self over to something unknown.
Without selflessness and reaching out for the things we will never know an outcome to, we will not find victory or meaning.
" where I run for dear life,
hiding behind the boulders,
safe in the granite hideout;
My mountaintop refuge,
he saves me from ruthless men. " 2Sam 22:3
We can literally run and hide but when we are out in the open and nothing is holding us back. Nothing is sitting over us poaching in judgement we will seek for that refuge.
TAKE REFUGE. Grab ahold of that perspective of needing. Once you begin to obtain that vision and the idea of having something more powerful than you and something in control.
You will begin to see the world differently, people differently.
Paul says "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms"
This struggle is something that holds us back. It literally is a "Spiritual battle" something fighting against the clarity of that vision.
We must be DEVOTED. Devoted to finding ,seeking, growing, and expressing our faith.
What is it that holds YOU back? What is it that keeps you from running full speed for your faith daily?
-Very loving or loyal
-Given over to the display, study.
ALL creation groans with anticipation to be liberated and to find it's destiny. To find it's final purpose and meaning.
We all look for it but without that devotion. Literally that daily devotion of giving ones-self over to something unknown.
Without selflessness and reaching out for the things we will never know an outcome to, we will not find victory or meaning.
" where I run for dear life,
hiding behind the boulders,
safe in the granite hideout;
My mountaintop refuge,
he saves me from ruthless men. " 2Sam 22:3
We can literally run and hide but when we are out in the open and nothing is holding us back. Nothing is sitting over us poaching in judgement we will seek for that refuge.
TAKE REFUGE. Grab ahold of that perspective of needing. Once you begin to obtain that vision and the idea of having something more powerful than you and something in control.
You will begin to see the world differently, people differently.
Paul says "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms"
This struggle is something that holds us back. It literally is a "Spiritual battle" something fighting against the clarity of that vision.
We must be DEVOTED. Devoted to finding ,seeking, growing, and expressing our faith.
20091020
HeavyHearted
It's been a need for an update: So quickly I will hammer on this keyboard what is being meditated upon.
It's time for renewal. I've heard the call and said the words but there's a lack of action. This is becoming a mending process.
planning: there's many ideas, thoughts, visions that have been placed upon my mind/life. Whether or not it's time to share is not clear so I will say this.
There's a new movement developing within this city that is insane and probably too big to handle or understand at this point. However, the purpose and outcome will be fruitfull.
The writings will start again for I have received confirmation that messages need to be told from me. Things that the Lord has been speaking to me to get done but out of hesitation, fear, and worry I have sat back and let them sit there.
My soul purpose for writing this message has just slipped my mind as it's now 2 am and i'm exhausted. But I will plan to write and record messages on here.
Those 1 or 2 people that actually follow this may be able to hear.
I will say I have reached a new cycle and began a new maze. I've been so nervous to share and so quiet and reluctant to be happy that i've forgotten my purpose. The night has had amazing flaws and things I did not want to hear but realizing they're things I needed to hear is what is more important.
It's time for renewal. I've heard the call and said the words but there's a lack of action. This is becoming a mending process.
planning: there's many ideas, thoughts, visions that have been placed upon my mind/life. Whether or not it's time to share is not clear so I will say this.
There's a new movement developing within this city that is insane and probably too big to handle or understand at this point. However, the purpose and outcome will be fruitfull.
The writings will start again for I have received confirmation that messages need to be told from me. Things that the Lord has been speaking to me to get done but out of hesitation, fear, and worry I have sat back and let them sit there.
My soul purpose for writing this message has just slipped my mind as it's now 2 am and i'm exhausted. But I will plan to write and record messages on here.
Those 1 or 2 people that actually follow this may be able to hear.
I will say I have reached a new cycle and began a new maze. I've been so nervous to share and so quiet and reluctant to be happy that i've forgotten my purpose. The night has had amazing flaws and things I did not want to hear but realizing they're things I needed to hear is what is more important.
20090623
Temples & Future + Bcoop
Next Week 9: Stewardship from Fuse* Student Ministry on Vimeo.
Man.. heavy,simple, crazy... It's the words and the suggestions i've heard many times but is hitting me right now. What you do day to day will build what you will do the next week and from that week will build what your month will become, what the year has become is what your future entails.
I began to think about this idea alot when he mentions the ministry. I really want the ladies and gentleman at KYC to hear this and understand that what they're doing and planting in their lives as well as the ministry is how the ministries future will turn out. To become not only leaders and extraordinary but build this foundation that will not fall. This is something we can't take lightly and it's not just with KYC. Like I said however we begin building our foundation will become the future. That's pretty simple and childlike knowledge.
I'm a firm believer in everything happens for a reason;BUT, what if we realized we can control what the reason is for what happened.
I may be repeating but it's a very important lesson that I need to start living out instead of just understanding.
With this being said and understood we need to be listening to the spiritual voice that sets the ideas inside of us. It may be hard to differentiate what's the right and wrong voice but, how about comparing what could be right and what could be wrong. and take charge of your life. Why just let things happen when we can create what happens? *Not saying do whatever the heck we want and whatever feels good* But, I am suggesting if we listen to the positive and live that out and build our foundations it will stand still even if we fall.
20090225
Fallacy Wears Thin
So after consideration I realized I need to watch the film Milk. I was bashing it quite a bit without knowing anything about it. From opening to ending I was shocked, stunned, kind of sick and disgusted at times, and sometimes sad. This was a very eye opening and compelling movie to say the least. Very good information that I've never considered looking into because of the ignorant American mind-set about the subject.
I honestly was never told about how persecuted these people were because of only their sexual orientation. Now, on the other hand of that I think the homosexual community didn't HAVE to be as outspoken and wild as they were. I believe that's probably half the reason their culture was so tarnished.
The toughest thing for me to watch (other than the obvious) is the church images. The constant nay sayings from the churches claiming "God's Will". NO NO NO!!! Once again the religious fools have to create a hatred for the church. I honestly by no means support the lifestyle. But only support the people. I've met some really amazing people from the gay and lesbian community that I have no problem still acknowledging them as a Human. The way these police and the city people treated these people is disgusting. Randomly beating them down with clubs and arresting for the smallest of a crime but in reality only for their sexual preference.
They went through alot... Not as much as the african american community by all means but however it was made to look that way almost. That they had no right what so ever to be living there, teaching there, etc... all because they were Gay?? That's not right. Ignorance of the Christian America was really sad to see.
I could care less like I previously said; about someones choice. I've been reading many articles and statements of Christian men who used to be homosexuals and one man definably stood out. He said "the hardest thing about being an openly gay in the Christian community was that he wasn't acknowledged." That must've hurt so bad. I can't imagine putting myself through that kind of pain. But he said, "In the end after getting saved he wasn't there for the experience, he didn't search for change, instead he was there to find Christ and that's what matters. You can't change a person but give them the opportunity to change is all we can do."
AWESOME, we can say "Love your neighbor" "do unto others as you would yourself". Yet, many decide to draw a line where a specific person doesn't fit in that category. Therefore they won't show them love and show appreciation for them.
A Man is but Man nothing more, nothing less. We should all do our best to make sure everyone can feel our love is genuine whether we like to or not, whether we approve of them or not. Love your enemy and stand strong. Break down the religious wall that's set before us and show all the purpose.
I honestly was never told about how persecuted these people were because of only their sexual orientation. Now, on the other hand of that I think the homosexual community didn't HAVE to be as outspoken and wild as they were. I believe that's probably half the reason their culture was so tarnished.
The toughest thing for me to watch (other than the obvious) is the church images. The constant nay sayings from the churches claiming "God's Will". NO NO NO!!! Once again the religious fools have to create a hatred for the church. I honestly by no means support the lifestyle. But only support the people. I've met some really amazing people from the gay and lesbian community that I have no problem still acknowledging them as a Human. The way these police and the city people treated these people is disgusting. Randomly beating them down with clubs and arresting for the smallest of a crime but in reality only for their sexual preference.
They went through alot... Not as much as the african american community by all means but however it was made to look that way almost. That they had no right what so ever to be living there, teaching there, etc... all because they were Gay?? That's not right. Ignorance of the Christian America was really sad to see.
I could care less like I previously said; about someones choice. I've been reading many articles and statements of Christian men who used to be homosexuals and one man definably stood out. He said "the hardest thing about being an openly gay in the Christian community was that he wasn't acknowledged." That must've hurt so bad. I can't imagine putting myself through that kind of pain. But he said, "In the end after getting saved he wasn't there for the experience, he didn't search for change, instead he was there to find Christ and that's what matters. You can't change a person but give them the opportunity to change is all we can do."
AWESOME, we can say "Love your neighbor" "do unto others as you would yourself". Yet, many decide to draw a line where a specific person doesn't fit in that category. Therefore they won't show them love and show appreciation for them.
A Man is but Man nothing more, nothing less. We should all do our best to make sure everyone can feel our love is genuine whether we like to or not, whether we approve of them or not. Love your enemy and stand strong. Break down the religious wall that's set before us and show all the purpose.
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